A Dangerous​ game of love.

I just wanted to make a quick post about the “Dangerous game of love.” I’m sitting here watching the Soul Train Awards and 112 is performing. I absolutely love R&B, especially old school R&B. Whenever I’m in my feelings or going through something the first thing I turn to is writing & music.

As I just heard the song and thought of the title it reminded me of a conversation I had earlier with my sister. I was telling her how its so hard to come by a person that doesn’t cheat anymore. This goes for women and men. It seems that both sexes are very hard to trust nowadays and there is a few rare amount of people that actually remain loyal. I can’t even count the amount of people that I know have cheated or are cheating in a relationship. 

Some of us may have cheated, some of us may have been cheated on, some of us may have been through both. Regardless this is a SCARY ass feeling. The feeling of being cheated on is absolutely unexplainable. It’s so painful that words can’t even describe the feeling you get inside once you find out.

When you’re in a relationship and it becomes long term you start to plan for the future. You invest all of your time and love into one person, thinking “I’m going to be with this person forever.” You begin to move in different ways, you start to make decisions based on the BOTH of you and not just yourself. You start to consider your significant other in everything you do and every choice you make.

While building a relationship, most of the time you aren’t thinking of the demise that could possibly come. You continue to try to think positive because the last thing you want to feel is what it will be like without the person that “completes you.”

You can have good days with the person and bad days, but its the good days that you try to base things on the most. When you’re in a long-term relationship in many cases you try your best to get through the worst. Bad things happen, arguments occur, but you still can’t see yourself without that person.

Planning a future with someone and giving your all to someone is such a great feeling when it feels real. Unfortunately, it comes with the risk of the relationship eventually ending. A relationship is a risk in itself. You are actually giving another person the trust that you can bare all to them and the honor to be loved unconditionally by you. It is not easy to give your true love, care and trust.

Everyone is different. Some may be easy to open up and others may take more time, especially because of their past. When you have a past that has hurt you, that you have been deceived and betrayed, this comes even harder.

For myself, it takes A LOT to care for someone. A lot to bare all my feelings, and a lot to give all of my trust. When I finally come to the terms that “I can” and I do give my all, I truly do give my all.

Just to know someone else can actually have the power to TEAR YOUR HEART UP and to break you down is absolutely terrifying. To think that one day you could wake up completely happy and just a few hours later can be crying your eyes out thinking “what now” is a fear that I have ever since I’ve been hurt.

When do you know if its right? When do you know if that person that you LOVE is worth loving? WHEN DO YOU KNOW IF IT WILL LAST?

YOU DON’T.

Love is truly a dangerous game to play. You don’t know if you will win or lose. You don’t know if the years and all of the love you are giving to someone will one day feel like a waste of time. You don’t know if at any moment you can be sitting there listening to an R&B song and be brought to tears because the meaning and the words cut you that deep.

One thing I love about R&B is that it helps me realize I’m not the only one that goes through things. It reminds me of what I try to do with my entries. It’s kind of like when I hear a song and I’m like “Man, if Keyshia Cole can go through a divorce and be okay I can go through a break-up.”

No joke, that’s really how I think. It hard to give your all to this dangerous game called love. We can’t tell the future. We could be happy for 25 years and wind up divorcing the person we thought we would die with. That’s petrifying.

The one thing I do believe is that every experience is worth it. No matter if it was good, bad, ugly and sad… YOU LEARN FROM IT. You learn what you can change in the future, you learn the signs to look for, and you learn most importantly how much to love yourself and stop settling for less.

If you’re going through a heartbreak right now, a break-up, a divorce, just know that you are not alone. Just know the feeling that “I will never get through this” is temporary.

We all take our own personal time to get through things. We all are different. Some experiences are harder than others. What you are going through, someone in this world also has and they SURVIVED.

Heartbreak sometimes makes you feel like you’ve lost everything. It feels like your entire world is crumbling down without that one person you thought you never would be without. Take this time to find out why YOU love you, and why YOU are the most important person to yourself.

Spend time alone, spend time with friends, do whatever is best for you to get through it. I write and I listen to music. That’s my sanity. Find yours. 

When one door closes another one opens. One piece of advice I can give is do not rush yourself to move on, don’t be spiteful, don’t try to purposely hurt someone else. You don’t want to feel hurt so you should not want someone else to.

Yes, love is a dangerous game. You may lose one game, but we always have other chances to get it right. This isn’t your last chance to love. Don’t hold the next person accountable for your past. Don’t give up on love because it didn’t work this time. Take this time to realize that everything happens for a reason, and maybe this time wasn’t best for that relationship. Someone better may come along, you can meet with your ex down the line and work things out, you can learn things about yourself that you never even knew.

Look for the positive in the heartbreak.

REMIND YOURSELF “THIS DIDN’T WORK FOR A REASON.”

Tell yourself that there is a whole world out there for you to explore and see. No experience is bigger than you. You can get through this just like the rest of the people who have been through it.

Love is a dangerous game, but don’t give up. Take your time. If you’re not ready to love, don’t force yourself. If you feel you can’t love someone else DO NOT HURT THEM, tell the truth. Be honest with yourself and your significant other.

Do not settle for less because you think that nobody else will love you. Do not settle for less because of the “time you put in.” Time means nothing if the person you are with is not treating you right. TIME MEANS NOTHING IF THAT PERSON DOESN’T RESPECT YOU.

If someone is willing to hurt you, lie to you, betray you, break you down and say “its okay” because they are “Sorry.” That person does not deserve you. You deserve someone who thinks before they react, you deserve someone who thinks about the actions that could hurt you and DOESN’T DO THEM.

There’s someone out there for everyone. You just have to open your heart when you are ready.

I hope this can help someone somewhere, goodnight everyone.

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